April 16, 2013
the following is part of a much greater story…one that i hope to share in its fullness one day!
several weeks passed and i was awoken in the night. blood. again. a lot of it. without concern for the sleeping child just across the hall, i screamed for K.
just minutes later i saw the headlights and K opened the door. a friend of ours showed up at 4:00 in the morning with a hug and her prayers; she was no stranger to this nightmare. i sat quiet on the couch, an odd, dare I say, peace flooding me.
the bleeding had stopped for the time being but that was the only thing we knew. for two hours we sat in the emergency room waiting for the arrival of the ultrasound technician. we sat. we talked. we even laughed. anything to keep our minds occupied. i took a deep breath as she entered the room…and it was a long while before i took another one.
another day, another darkened room. she couldn’t sleep that night, so the technician was awake and ready to go when she received the call to see if she could come in earlier than she was scheduled to perform our ultrasound. it began. the screen was facing away from me so i studied her face, K’s face. i waited for word, the word, ANY word. after several minutes, i closed my eyes. i prayed. i prayed for strength, for wisdom, for the power to trust God in the face of yet another loss. again, my eyes opened. still more clicking of the mouse, still more staring at the screen, still no word.
K wouldn’t even look at me. why wouldn’t he look at me? “look at me,” i thought! surely he had seen our baby. surely he had seen it perfectly still. surely he had seen the place where its heart once beat, now just a dark spot on the screen. the clock on the wall was the only thing I had to look at that ever changed, and 15 minutes after the ultrasound started, K’s eyes met mine. he looked at me and his hand tapped his heart.
his hand…TAPPED HIS HEART! our baby was alive!
one year ago…just one in a great string of events that testified (LOUDLY) of God’s grace and His faithfulness and power to protect and provide.