it starts as an innocent intruder in the middle of the night. he isn’t the scary kind that you immediately defend against, but more the precious kind that comes seeking comfort from his favorites. he snuggles up and makes himself comfortable.
you vow to end this. right now. but, before long, you don’t even wake to the intrusion. instead, you find yourself waking nose to nose with the invader himself (and, in a “it-won’t-be-like-this-for-long” kind of way, you love the sleepy-eyed smiles, the good morning whispers, those moments).
and then he’s scared. and you believe him. and you should, because he is. instead of him being the intruder, he is scared of an intruder. and of wind. and of dark. and of being alone all the while. things that are real, and things of which you are sometimes afraid. and you are the grown-up! so you stay. just once. and while it helps, it only makes it that much harder to do it alone the next night. and so you stay…even closer. but just once.
you encourage. you dispel. you turn on lights. you talk. you pray. you recite God’s word. you hug. you remind of God’s promises. you kiss. you speak truth.
but it’s fear. and it’s strong. and it’s just like real. and you want so bad to take it away. so you stay. but you know it won’t stop with just once.
your once great sleeper has hit another snag…the bigness and wide-open of the new bed, the lingering summer sunshine that causes sleep to come slowly, the awareness of reality and the growing imagination making fears grow up fierce.
this parenting stuff? it’s hard. because it is both comforting in the short-term and equipping for the long-term. it is deciphering the difference between what feels best and what is best. it is caring deeply for the present, but preparing for the future. it is correcting behavior while addressing the heart.
and this is only bedtime.
The second I laid eyes on it, I loved this photograph. Ominous storm clouds, minutes…maybe seconds…from twisting into a tornado, pierced right in the center by a promise. Ah, life lived with the knowledge (and remembrance) of the faithfulness of God.
July 15, 2011
Also known as the thing I am begging from you if you are using a blog reader to view this.
No news here, folks, but I’m a little slow.
Therefore, I thought all along that I was tagging my posts when in reality I was categorizing them.
VERY DIFFERENT RESULT.
Therefore, today, I set out to correct my mistake and as a result I have filled your reader’s with old posts.
I’ll say it for you.
Disregard them please.
But, if you are compelled to open one, take special notice of the TAGS at the bottom.
Next, maybe I ought to take advantage of the Learn WordPress – Tutorials and Walkthroughs link at the bottom of this screen.
May 23, 2011
Out of curiosity, I traveled through the archives of this ol’ blog and read through all of the posts that never made it past the draft stage. There was one about high school football, a home improvement project, a revelation of my nerdy fondness of Richard Castle and Kate Beckett, and a draft of that ever-elusive birthday post. Hmmm, I suppose those will all have to remain a mystery. Well, all except my feelings about Castle; I guess I just ruined any kind of mystery there. But, back to the thought at hand…maybe some things just weren’t meant to be shared.
But, then again, maybe they were.
There have been numerous other drafts that haven’t even made it to my fingertips. The words join together, form paragraphs even, but then quickly get cataloged away for some other time.
But I was recently challenged with a question by a sweet friend and as I have wrestled through (and continue to wrestle through) the answer I am beginning to understand that some of what squelches my story is not noble at all. It is selfishness, and pride, and shame, and UGLY. It is holding my experience in the spot of sacred when it could be shared to bring glory to the Father through the work of Jesus in my life.
Yet, all the while, discernment has its place. So if I am able to rightly find that balance, I will begin to put words together – to form thoughts – to tell a story – for HIS name’s sake.
In the interim, let me share with you some of my favorite pictures of the past few weeks….
March 16, 2011
I’ll be back with the rest of the story soon.
But our current story had a big chapter yesterday and I’m still recovering.
So, until I return…enjoy the pause!
It’s been awhile. A good while. Yes, I know some of you know!
But, really, it has been a good while.
I had been finding myself at times viewing life through the lens and filter of this blog. Rating the experiences, activities, and events of our day based on which would make the cut. And really, that was never the intention, never the purpose, never the plan for this space.
It was intended…well, go back to the beginning if you really want to read my exact words.
If that wasn’t enough, it also was becoming one of the things I feared it would. An ever-looming project. A duty. A check on my to-do list.
And who really wants another check on their to-do list? Actually, if it was one of those things you do and get to check of because you did actually do it, though it was something you would have done anyway…if it was one of those checks, I definitely would not mind. I love those kind of checks. But no, this takes my time. And at the risk of this sounding really lame, this is kind of hard work for me. I am by nature not a good decision maker. Not that I make bad decisions (though I often have), but just that I am terrible at the task of making decisions. It takes me forever to decide what to wear (which is why my wardrobe is plagued by solid colored shirts and jeans), excruciating is the task of determining what will occupy our dinner plates, choosing which words to use and what order to put them in as to convey what I desire and not what I don’t (all the while weighing that my words, typed or otherwise, can either bring glory to God or not)….agonizing. And time consuming.
But I’m refreshed now. It is almost spring and my hope is that just as the earth, beneath the layers (and layers, and layers) of snow and ice, begins to emerge renewed, so will this blog.
Because I do miss it!
January 24, 2011
WordPress sent me the following message just days into this new year.
You’re on fire
We think you did great!
While I appreciate the encouragement of the latter half, the part that claims I’m on fire is nothing short of a lie. Even I know that!
Wonder what they would have to say about me if my last post before now wasn’t in November. Maybe I’ll find out next year.
November 5, 2010
Not interesting. Not exciting. Not kidding.
In addition (or so I’ve been told by numerous sources) I can add ‘not up-to-date’ on my list.
I hear ya. Loud and Clear!
So while I’m not promising interesting or exciting…you’re welcome!
Click HERE for all of your ‘the life and times of the Lehmans’ desires.
July 28, 2010
I’m on the verge of putting together a post that has been rolling around in my head for some time now (and for those wondering it is indeed not the birthday post) but hasn’t ever had quite the right time or words. Who knows, maybe it never will.
But I caught a bit of a show today that made my mind revisit those thoughts. It originally aired on MTV and while I do not recommend you follow my lead and suddenly begin viewing all of the programming they have to offer, it was worth a few minutes of my time today as it resulted in me thanking God. Thanking him for His grace to me, for His gospel, for a life full of blessings, for hope in the midst of trials, for hope of something even greater in the midst of a life full of blessings (ponder that for awhile), for revealing my ugliness, for stirring [an-unnatural-for-my-sinful-self] compassion in me, for caring enough to convict me and discipline me.
So while the show and its message is not without its flaws, it did make me think. In a world that is connected, how connected are we? What am I willing to share/not share about myself, about my life? On my blog. On facebook. On twitter. And why?
And in the part of my life where I interact with people face to face, how often do I extend grace to others….when they are rude, or impatient, or selfish, or arrogant, or incompetent, or just plain mean?
How often do I consider what burdens they might be carrying? (**please note that this is not me advocating that crummy circumstances justify sinful actions – especially in the life of a believer)
It leads me to ponder what applying the gospel I believe in might do in such situations…
And now I hear my little guy waking up from his nap yelling “doh” which is typically his word to Indy to keep her from eating his crackers! Better go investigate as I did not (nor have I ever) sent him to bed with such a snack 🙂
May 19, 2010
No real headway on the birthday post…torture, huh?
but i do have some pictures and maybe a little vid.e.o. to post soon. and by soon i mean today or tomorrow. i can see how you would want clarification! you can thank me later for willfully providing it for you 🙂 and by later i mean anytime. actually, now would be good 😉